They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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