Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
