I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
