I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize