Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
