AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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