Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
