oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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