Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
