He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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