i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
mondays should just be called national damage control day
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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