i think i have herpe
just one?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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