So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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