I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
