By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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