the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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