It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
