90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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