Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
