Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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