upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize