Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
foreskin is a definite game changer
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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