Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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