I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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