At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
