i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
