She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
