In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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