I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
