I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
