Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
