okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
