I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
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