I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize