You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
