did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
