I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
