Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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