Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
