mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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