I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i have two assholes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
