I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
