i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
