please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
