remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
