You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
