New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
