He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
