Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
