Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
