I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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