It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
