I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
