Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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