Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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