I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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