i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
