I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
