He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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