she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
