Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
