guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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