hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize