We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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