If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize