I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
