You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
