just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
