You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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