We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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