And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
