I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
