Buhtt sex?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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